Mother’s Day is coming up, and as an adult that has worked with children for more than 25 years, I know it can be…. shall we say, a crap shoot of a day, for so many reasons. Today, I want to talk to moms of children with disabilities.
I see you. I hear you. I know you’re working incredibly hard, and as this tribe knows all too well, your child may not show love and appreciation in a traditional way on Mother’s Day. That can be hard on your mama heart.
So in case no one else is saying it: You deserve to spend the day in any way that works for you. This is an opportunity to set aside a day to acknowledge all the work and energy you’re putting into the life of your very special child(ren). Whether you choose to spend the day out of the house, in bed, or with your clan, here are some tips on making it work for you.
Have an idea of what you want: Take a minute, close your eyes and ask yourself: How do you - in your individual circumstances - feel acknowledged? I know - you probably never do that! When you close your eyes, what do you picture? A spa day? In bed with a good book? Off on an adventure? Hanging out with your children? Girlfriends? Family? Any scenario can work. The first step is deciding what will fill you up. And if you choose to involve other mamas in your day, that’s great! Just make sure you’re making yourself and your feelings a priority.
Communicate with your partner or family early and often: The second step is articulating what you want to those around you. Communication is key. If you have a spouse or co-parent, try to start on this communication early. It only gets harder to plan the closer you get to the day. Plus, it's likely that they don’t know how hard the day is for you. You can tell them directly, or share a post like this to help articulate your feelings, so you don't have to do the heavy lifting.
Plan for logistics: I recognize that this can be work. At a minimum, you likely need to organize care for your child and create a plan for the day. That said, mamas need to recharge, too, especially ones doing this type of extreme parenting.
Quit the guilt: Speaking of… motherhood is, at times, a thankless job. If you start to feel guilty, remember that nobody would bat an eye if a dad wanted to spend Father’s Day at a sports game or on the golf course. As a mom of a child with a disability, you are working overtime, daily. You deserve a day to recharge.
Lastly, it is one day. One day to get through. Go ahead and make it look and feel like whatever works for you. Know that I see you, I appreciate you and I hope you have what you want on May 14th.
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